Understanding the Circle of Security
- Evelise Manzoni
- May 3
- 4 min read
Why the Circle of Security Matters
At the heart of every child’s development is a simple but powerful need:
To feel safe, understood, and supported.
Children are not just learning how to walk, talk, and play, they are also learning:
Can I trust the world?
Will someone help me when I need it?
Am I safe to explore?
The Circle of Security helps us understand how everyday relationships support a child’s emotional development, confidence, and ability to regulate.
What Is the Circle of Security?
The Circle of Security is an attachment-based model developed by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell.
It is grounded in attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and expanded through the work of Mary Ainsworth.
At its core, the model describes a child’s natural movement between two needs:
1. Exploring the world
“I want to go out, play, learn, and try.”
2. Coming back for connection
“I need comfort, reassurance, and safety.”
This ongoing movement forms a circle.
The Two Sides of the Circle:
The Top of the Circle: Exploration
When children feel secure, they naturally move outward to explore.
They may:
play independently
try new things
take small risks
show curiosity
Your role here is to be the secure base — watching, delighting, supporting, and being available.
The Bottom of the Circle: Connection
At times, children return to us.
They may need:
comfort
reassurance
help with big feelings
closeness
Your role here is to be the safe haven — welcoming them back, soothing, and helping them regulate.
Why This Matters for Development
Research in attachment shows that when children experience both a secure base and a safe haven, they are more likely to develop:
emotional regulation
confidence
resilience
strong relationships
Attachment is not about being perfect — it is about being available, responsive, and attuned most of the time.
And when there are moments of disconnection — which are part of every relationship — coming back together again, repairing, is what helps children feel safe and secure.
“Being With” Your Child
One of the key ideas in the Circle of Security is “being with.”
This means:
noticing your child’s emotional experience
staying present
not rushing to fix or dismiss feelings
helping them feel understood
Part of “being with” your child is responding with empathy rather than sympathy.
Sympathy often tries to move the feeling away:
“It’s okay, don’t cry.”
Empathy stays with the experience:
“That was really hard. I’m here with you.”
When children feel understood rather than dismissed, they are more able to calm, connect, and eventually make sense of their feelings.
When the Circle Feels Challenging
Parenting is not always easy.
Sometimes children:
don’t want to come back
come back with very big feelings
push us away while needing us
seem constantly overwhelmed
The Circle of Security recognises that parents also bring their own experiences, emotions, and limits into the relationship.
This is where the idea of “good enough parenting,” introduced by Donald Winnicott, becomes important.
You do not need to get it right every time.
What matters most is the overall pattern of connection and the willingness to reconnect when things feel hard.
What This Looks Like in Everyday Life:
Exploration (The Top of the Circle)
Your child climbs at the playground→ You watch, smile, and stay available
Connection (The Bottom of the Circle)
Your child falls and cries→ You comfort and help them feel safe
Exploration (The Top of the Circle)
They try something new→ You support and encourage
Connection (The Bottom of the Circle)
They feel overwhelmed→ You stay close and help regulate
Over time, children begin to internalise this experience:
“I can explore the world — and I can come back when I need to.”
What Parents Can Take Away
You don’t need to be perfect
Connection matters more than correction
Emotional safety supports development
Repair strengthens relationships
Your presence matters more than your response
Books & Resources
For Parents and Educators
Raising a Secure Child — Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper & Bert Powell
The Power of Showing Up — Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
Attachment in Psychotherapy — David J. Wallin
Podcasts & Further Learning
A Final Word
Children don’t need perfect parents.
They need adults who are:
present
responsive
willing to repair
and emotionally available
The Circle of Security reminds us that parenting is not about controlling behaviour — it is about supporting a child’s emotional world.
And within that relationship, children learn something deeply important:
That they are safe to explore — and safe to come back. 💚
If you’re feeling unsure or would like support with your child’s emotional world:
References
Bowlby, J. (1969, 1973, 1980). Attachment and Loss (Vols. 1–3). Basic Books.
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation.
Hoffman, K., Cooper, G., & Powell, B. (2017). Raising a Secure Child.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). The Power of Showing Up.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment.
Wallin, D. J. (2007). Attachment in psychotherapy.
Tronick, E. (2007). The neurobehavioral and social-emotional development of infants and children.
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