Play as Emotional Language: How Children Tell Their Stories Without Words

Children don’t always have the words to explain how they feel, and often, they don’t need them.

For many children, play is their first language. Through play, they express worries they can’t yet name, experiences they don’t fully understand, and feelings that feel too big to say out loud.

When we learn to “listen” to play, we begin to understand children in a much deeper way, not by analysing or correcting, but by noticing, staying curious, and being present.

What Does It Mean to Say “Play Is Emotional Language”?

Play is how children:

• make sense of their world

• explore relationships, power, and safety

• process change, fear, and uncertainty

• practise control, mastery, and repair

A child may not say, “I’m feeling anxious about school,” but they might:

• repeatedly play teachers and students

• line toys up carefully

• knock towers down again and again

• replay separation or rescue scenes

This isn’t random.

It’s communication.

Why Play Repeats (and Why That’s Okay)

Parents often worry when their child:

• plays the same game over and over

• focuses on themes like danger, control, or loss

• seems “stuck” in one type of play

In reality, repetition is how children work things through.

Just as adults revisit thoughts or conversations internally, children revisit experiences through play until they feel safer, more understood, or more resolved.

Nothing needs fixing here.

Something is being processed.

How to “Listen” to Play Without Interfering

You don’t need to interpret or explain your child’s play.

Instead, you can:

• observe quietly

• reflect what you see (“You’re building that very carefully”)

• follow your child’s lead

• resist the urge to direct, teach, or solve

When children feel free to lead their play, they feel:

• emotionally safe

• less pressured

• more regulated

• more deeply understood

This is where emotional growth happens.

A Real-Life Example

A child repeatedly plays a game where a small animal gets lost and must find its way back home.

An adult might feel tempted to say,

“Don’t worry, everything is okay.”

But the play itself is already doing the work.

Through this story, the child is:

• exploring separation

• practising reunion

• reassuring themselves through repetition

The most helpful response is not reassurance or redirection, it’s presence.

When Play Becomes More Intense

Sometimes play includes:

• aggression

• destruction

• strong emotions

• themes that feel uncomfortable to adults

This does not mean something is wrong.

It often means the child is:

• releasing stress

• expressing frustration safely

• working through feelings they cannot yet explain

Setting gentle, clear limits around safety is important, but emotional expression itself does not need to be shut down.

How Play Therapy Builds on This

In play therapy, children are offered:

• a safe and consistent space

• predictable boundaries

• a trained therapist who “listens” through play

Over time, children naturally:

• move toward more flexible play

• develop stronger emotional regulation

• increase self-expression and confidence

• feel more understood and secure

The process can look simple, but it is deeply powerful.

What Parents Can Take Away

You don’t need to decode or analyse every moment of play.

You can:

• trust that play has meaning

• offer time, space, and presence

• allow stories to unfold naturally

• see play as communication, not behaviour

When children feel heard through play, they often don’t need to shout through behaviour.

Book Suggestions

Books to read with children:

• The Rabbit Listened – Cori Doerrfeld

• Not a Box – Antoinette Portis

• I’m in Charge of Celebrations – Byrd Baylor

Books for parents:

• The Power of Play – David Elkind

• Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship – Garry Landreth

• Beyond the Behavior – Mona Delahooke

A Gentle Listen for Parents

If reading feels like too much right now, you may prefer listening.

Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled podcast offers short, thoughtful reflections on children’s behaviour, emotions, and play from a calm and respectful perspective. Her episodes on children’s play and adult interference beautifully support the idea of play as a child’s emotional language.

You might like to start with one of her play-focused episodes, such as “The Value of Child’s Play (and How to Avoid Interrupting It)”.

References

• Landreth, G. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship.

• Stagnitti, K. (2014). Learn to Play: A Practical Program to Develop Play Skills.

• Siegel, D. & Bryson, T. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child.

• Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond the Behavior.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re curious about your child’s play or wondering what it might be communicating, play therapy can offer a supportive and developmentally appropriate space to explore this together.

You’re always welcome to reach out or learn more about how play therapy works.

How Can I Help?